Smile for Me
by 9r7g5h
Summary: She didn't smile, not like she used to. But that was ok.


**AN** : So, I'm doing a rewatch, and I realized that Gabrielle doesn't smile as often as she does in the earlier seasons. Like, she still does, sometimes, but not like she used to. So that realization led to this.

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own Xena.

* * *

It wasn't something she noticed at first. It was something that changed slowly, taking years to reach its current point. In fact, Xena herself never would have realized it if Virgil, under his breath as he walked out of camp, hadn't said it for himself.

"Would it kill Gabrielle to smile once in a while?"

At first Xena had brushed it off. Virgil had joined up with them on the road during a bad week, and Gabrielle's mood had only gotten worst over the last few days because of it. She would brighten up the next time they reached a town and could get some good food and warm beds, Xena was sure of it.

And she did, just like Xena had predicted. Her stomach full, skin clean from a bath not taken in the middle of a river, and after a night on a rock-free surface, she had perked up once again. Took easier to talking, told her stories without an edge to her voice, slid into bed more playful then exhausted; she was back to herself, just like Xena thought she would be.

But not quite, not exactly as Xena had imagined it. Because, even with her improved mood, Gabrielle still barely smiled.

She still did, on occasion. When a particularly funny joke was told, or when life was calm and they were just chatting as they traveled, she smiled. It was small, just a simple upturn of the corner of her lips, barely noticeable if you didn't know what you were looking for, but it was there. There and the most beautiful thing Xena could ever claim to see.

But for the most part she was still, her face blank with focus as she listened to the world around her, her hand never far from her sais. Or she scoffed, the closest she came to a true laugh, the closest she had come ever since the Pie Incident. Or she sneered at Ares and bandits, looked on in worry and with pride whenever Eve did something stupid that worked out, a dozen other emotions that Xena kept careful track of, once she had become aware. But rarely ever a smile.

A far cry from the girl she remembered, from the Gabrielle who never stopped smiling, even in her sleep. A large change from the Gabrielle she had used to be.

"Hey, Gabrielle."

Pausing her hand, Gabrielle glanced up from cleaning her sais (when was the last time those hands had held a quill and scroll, instead of her weapons and a cloth stained with old blood?) and waited, her head tilted ever so slightly as she waited for Xena to speak.

"Smile for me?"

Xena could see the confusion on Gabrielle's face, but she didn't question her. Instead, after a moment, Gabrielle smiled- a small one, barely noticeable if Xena hadn't known her face so well, just the slightest upturn of the corner of her lips. She held it for a moment, just a moment, before she let it fall, her face returning to its previous passive state.

"No," Xena said, shaking her head. For some reason there was the beginning of a panic within her, this sinking in her stomach and a twist in her heart that had only gotten worse when Gabrielle had complied. This overwhelming _need_ to see Gabrielle smile, to make sure that she still could. To make sure she hadn't broken Gabrielle so badly as to steal her joy. "A real smile. Come on, show me some teeth."

Xena showed by example, her lips parting, her eyes crinkling, trying to make it as real as a staged smile could be. If Gabrielle could comply, could show her that, even at request, she could still bring to light that same joy that had constantly shone out of her face all those years ago…

Gabrielle copied her, and Xena's heart sunk. Because it was almost more of a snarl then a smile, her lips pulled back but nothing reaching her eyes, leaving them cool and confused as their gazes met over the flames.

It wasn't the same.

"Thanks," Xena forced herself to say after a long moment, when Gabrielle's 'smile' had once again fallen back into a look of confusion, setting her sais and cloth off to the side as she studied Xena. Her face calculating, observant, working towards her own conclusions before she had to ask.

A look that had never been there before. Before Gabrielle had had to become who she was for _her_ , something Xena still couldn't help but hate herself for.

"Are you alright," Gabrielle asked after a moment, pushing herself to her feet and joining Xena on her log. She took away the sword that hung loosely from Xena's hands and put it off to the side, her hands gentle as she reached up and turned Xena's face towards her own. "Xena, what's wrong?"

And before Xena could stop herself, before she think of some lie that might be reasonable for the situation, she spoke.

"You don't smile much anymore. Not like you used to."

And it was almost like Gabrielle could read between her words for the thoughts even Xena couldn't articulate (that Xena regretted her having grown hard, regretted her pain, regretted being part of the path that had so badly damaged Gabrielle that she couldn't even _smile_ ), because her look softened, the small smile returning for real this time.

She leaned forward and Xena met her half way, the kiss short and bittersweet as Gabrielle tried to drive away those thoughts, tried to show that it was ok. And in part she succeeded, because when they parted Gabrielle's smile was the one Xena had been looking for- her eyes crinkled, her nose wrinkling in joy, a hint of the girl Gabrielle had once been on her face.

It faded, slowly, back into the small smile Xena had gotten used to without realizing it, but this time Xena saw. Saw that Gabrielle, while contained, was still just as happy with her life as she had been to begin with. Saw the love and caring and joy in her eyes, even as her demeanor hardened back into the warrior's mask she often wore.

"I'm happy, Xena," Gabrielle reconfirmed, her words ringing true. "I promise, I am. I love you."

And Xena had to believe her, believe that Gabrielle, even though she didn't smile quite as she used to, was truly still happy with their lives.

Still, Xena pulled her into another kiss, deepening it until the smile on Gabrielle's face when she pulled away was semi-dazed as well, just to make sure she was telling the truth.


End file.
